16

 Lying on an almost totally dark sidewalk in a large college campus; my sister is standing nearby. A well-dressed, polished man comes up, says "This is the lowest, darkest street you can find," then goes up broad steps and into a large, Pantheon-like building...
 Walking down a different street, I meet a woman with red hair, like the hairdresser I met in Sweden, and she takes me to her home. An "alternative life style" interior decor; I feel sick or dejected, alone. I read two books, underlining in them, then I furtively realize that they don't belong to me. Lots about coffee in her house (she made coffee, sold it, roasted it). Then her house seems small and messy. So I go walking on the street, a small industrial town. Kevin and Tim are there. I asked Kevin if he minds people walking through his room, and he says, "It's just crowded here, don't worry"...
 On the back stairs of my house, a blonde, curly-haired woman comes down and starts talking to me and gives me her phone number. I'm not sure what she wants - to go out, or just to fuck? Three other people come up, a man and two women, all wet as if they had been swimming...
 I am arguing with my sister. Some goddamn thing about traveling with a tent or a bus. My father stands in the background. The crying or laughing part of the argument: defiance or scorn. She leaves...
 I feel unsettled and tired. I'm in a tent, like Sera and I use when we backpack in the mountains, but without her there, or any sense of wilderness. I get on a bus in a large city, it's San Francisco. I feel the loveliness of SF and want so much to move there. To feel a home based on my life again, as I did when I lived there before. I go into the city, seeing the splendid buildings and bustling movement, but from far off, as if from the mountains...