Your core personality is probably Enneagram Type 8, the LEADER, also known as the BOSS or the ASSHOLE.

You like to be in control and assert your will on other people -- especially children, the elderly, and service employees. You often shout, swear, get red in the face, pound on or throw things, and tug at your pants. You claim not to care what other people think, yet you want them to fear you as often as possible. You love to protect other people, especially women, then ridicule them as weak and incompetent.

Your SECRET JOYS are turning a screw or locknut extra tight, haranguing clerks or waitresses about bad service, imposing senseless work procedures on helpless underlings, installing The ClubTM on your car's steering wheel, and cleaning your shotgun.

Some of your SECRET FEARS are that you will feel afraid, that you will feel afraid of your fear of feeling afraid, that you will have a prostate exam, that you will thrill to the prostate exam, that you will take a shower with a homosexual, or that you will be insulted by a car full of black teenagers.

Under STRESS you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 5, the THINKER. You develop insane justifications for your need to control others, and may succumb to conspiracy theories or unbridled hatred of government. You spout intricate rationales for segregation, euthanasia, and a full deployment of stealth technology.

AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 2, the HELPER. You become infatuated with your supposed ability to help others, intrude yourself into a variety of highly visible charity roles, and develop self-serving stories about your desire to "give back to the community" -- all the time making sure you get a nice little kickback on the side.

What does this mean?

© 1998 Bruce MacEvoy